Honestly, I'm tired of this. I'm tired of the singing to animals, I'm tired of the work assignments on my few days off, but mostly I'm tired of how she puts me down over and over again. My mother makes me doubt myself so much that it infuriates me, all it takes is a single snide comment in passing and it cuts right to the quick.
I've tried sharing aspects of my life that I enjoy and consider important, but they always seem to be lacking...nothing makes the cut. I came home from school for the summer, and had recently recorded a song that I had written and was proud of- her response: is that you singing? (indeed it was) get a new singer. Ouch. Thanks mom. Wtf. Never mind that I'm already ridiculously self conscious of my voice. That was the last time I'll let her hear a track I've done. It wasn't the first though, and when she heard those she immediately asked why I didn't have any songs about happy well adjusted relationships. Well, there weren't any because a: it was a concept album and b: yet to have one of those well adjusted things. But I've heard her singing....she doesn't get to judge.
Next to be insulted was my job. I know its low paying, entry level first job type stuff, but I take pride in it. I give a damn good tour. Of course there is repetition, but that's true of any job. Every tour is different though, no group is the same. Being a tour guide isn't just about relaying the script, it involves gauging group interest and reactions, entertaining the group, dealing with various issues, etc etc. Suffice to say, knowing the script and reciting it and doing nothing else makes you a shitty guide. So when she dismissed any creative element that tours have by saying that there is no creativity and that its just repetition, that was an insult to me, even if she didn't realize it. The implication is that I put nothing of myself into my job, that I just show up and drone through on autopilot sounding like a combination of Ben Stein's monotonous voice and a nervous second grader speaking in front of a group.
Essentially what I'm saying is that it gets harder and harder to come back home. I honestly don't know if I can do another summer back home. That week of camp will be so nice, not because I'll be away from work, but because I'll be away from her. She's grinding me down, and I hate it. I've been depressed and angry before, I'd really rather it not happen again. That whole thing was bad enough to go through once, but it almost feels like we're heading there again. She doesn't even realize it either. She treats me like I'm 16, old enough to transport myself but young enough to be closely monitored and ordered about. I know that sounds angsty and juvenile, but its just getting to be too frustrating. I need a damn vacation. And a drink (and its 7:30 am).

I have a relatively new acquisition to my collection of way too many instruments- a ukulele. Why did I get it? Well, its not just because I stumbled across Julia Nunes videos on youtube. Well maybe it is. Shh...those videos are great. But in any case, I have a ukulele, and its harder than I thought it would be. Despite only having 4 strings, the way they're tuned is pretty strange. After 3 or 4 weeks I still only know like 6 chords. It's kinda frustrating.
In other news, Left for Dead is a pretty enjoyable game.
But I digress. My ukulele is pretty awesome, and I already wrote and recorded a song with it. It also has a name (thanks for the input Courtney) and Jenny joins Denzel, Freddie, Big Red, Clyde, and the Atomic Wonder-Set in the ranks of my named instruments. Look for more to come from the entertaining pairing of Jenny and myself as I continue to waste time songwriting instead of being productive.

Listening to:
Hall of Mirrors- The Distillers
First Impressions- Julia Nunes
Maybe I Will- Julia Nunes
Little Wild One- That Thing You Do Soundtrack

Reading:
White Teeth- Zadie Smith
Thank You For Smoking- Christopher Buckley
V for Vendetta- Alan Moore
Watchmen- Alan Moore

Watching:
South Park episodes
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Zack and Miri

Playing:
Red Alert 3:Uprising
Medieval II Total War

So the game earlier today coupled with being swept by the Padres kinda destroyed me for a while...but I'm sane again, at least until tomorrow's game. Anyways, time for a real post. So I'm finally on break, but everyone else already had theirs and are once again busy as shit. I was considering a visit to Socal to see people I haven't seen in a while but I didn't really think of this soon enough, and made no plans. Next year, I shall have to try again. In any case, this is going to be a boring and uneventful week.
Well like two years ago I tooted my own horn on this thing about writing, my songs and such, and about having nine of them done-ish. Now its more like 34? Yeah. I think that's right. Well until relatively recently most of my songs weren't inspired by anyone in particular, well a few were. Some people got more than a few, but like 9 songs recently were directly inspired by one person.
Who? I ain't tellin. Suffice to say that she gives good material. At least I think so. In any case, I think I've written some decent stuff. If you want to see/hear, comment or email or im me and I'll get you some.

Listening To:
The Collected Works of The Distillers
Eve 6- Eve 6
Country Grammar- Nelly
Various Blink 182

Reading:
Way too much on Native American Religions for a research paper

Watching:
Star Trek....lots of Trek
South Park
The Giants Losing. (Baseball )

Playing:
Eve
Oblivion

First off let me say this. I am a Giants fan. I've bled black and orange my entire life and hate the Dodgers with nearly every fiber of my sports-related being. But what the hell?
What the hell are the Giants doing? They have what is reputedly one of the best rotations in at least the NL West, with THREE Cy Young winners, yet none of them has pitched well yet this season. The only starter who approaches effectiveness is Cain. We can't hit anymore, and worst of all, we can't seem to play defense. At least we haven't since Martinez took that line drive to the head. The whole team is rattled, understandably, by the incident but we need to move on and play some goddamn baseball. It hurts me to say this but I'm willing to accept losses like the one we took today. But not to the Dodgers. If we play well against anyone, or even just play terrible (as opposed to the abysmal amatuer ball we're currently playing) let it be against them.
I want to hear the crowd chanting "Beat LA!" at games again, and have it happen. I'd like a season over .500! I'd like us to play like it was 1989, 1997, 2002 or any of our other seasons where we won the west or the pennant. I'd like a lot of things.

Mostly I'd like to just see the Giants play good, major league baseball- that's something I haven't really seen in years.

Wow, it has indeed been a while. Well, I have officially decided that I detest Russian authors as a consequence of having books by them assigned en masse by Prof. Steve Bittner, but all in all life could be far worse. My cousins have decided (finally) to try baseball, and I am super stoked about that. I'm in an insane baseball mood; tempered, of course, with hockey madness.
I guess that suffices as an update....well...anyways...
I'm am nostalgic. For what you ask? Freshman year. Yup, freshman year. I miss the dorms, chocolate milk on tap at the cafeteria, the girls next door, their toaster oven, the cinnamon rolls from said oven, and generally the brotherhood and family shared by the residents of Verdot Claret 07-08. Where is that now? I don't even know my neighbors in my complex. I rarely see anyone from the golden days of freshman year, with a few notable exceptions, and even when I do see them its generally in passing. I'm not the only one, other Claretians (I just came up with the term....should've thought of that 2 years ago) have shared these thoughts. We need a reunion, although everyone is pretty busy. That being said, I still think before the end of the next fall semester, we need a Claret get together. Well that's enough for now.
-Teags

Listening to:
As The Cold Rain Falls -Tiger Army
Pain -Tiger Army
Hall of Mirrors -The Distillers
Sasquatch -Tenacious D
Go Into The Water -Dethklok
Time to Waste -Alkaline Trio

Watching:
Futurama, Heroes, Firefly

Playing:
Age of Empires III, Fallout 3, Jade Empire

Reading:
A Hero of Our Time -Mikhail Lermontov